Rumsfeld's Linguistic Kung Fu

Comical. That's pretty much the only word that fits this news tidbit that showed up today. After finishing a hearty meal of lead-based paint chips, Mr. Rumsfeld called a press conference to discuss the new language for framing the situation in Iraq.

Don't call it an 'insurgency': Rumsfeld

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld argued on Tuesday that the guerrillas fighting U.S.-led foreign forces and the American-backed government in Iraq do not deserve to be called an "insurgency."

Asked at a Pentagon news conference why he did not think the word insurgency applied to enemy forces in Iraq, Rumsfeld said he had "an epiphany."

"I've thought about it. And, over the weekend, I thought to myself, you know, that gives them a greater legitimacy than they seem to merit," Rumsfeld said.

Rumsfeld instead referred to the guerrillas in Iraq as "the terrorists" and "the enemies of the government." U.S. military statements also have referred to insurgents as "anti-Iraqi forces."

"Epiphany" my ass. Why is it necessary that Rumsfeld has to attempt to show off every time he thinks he makes a little more progress with the English language?

Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary defines an insurgent as "a person who revolts against civil authority or an established government."

And all those with their dictionaries and high school education, why that's just pointy-headed intellectualism.

The real mind-bender showed up in his follow up comments:

"I think that you can have a legitimate insurgency in a country that has popular support and has a cohesiveness and has a legitimate gripe. These people don't have a legitimate gripe," Rumsfeld said.

I bet that everyone else who has ever faced an insurgency didn't think their opponent had a legitimate gripe, either. And does this imply that "people we can't call insurgents" have "popular support" and "cohesiveness"?

Your kung fu is not strong, Mr. Rumsfeld.

And just to show that the linguistic battle is lost before it is even begun, we get this:

During the briefing, the top U.S. military officer, Marine Corps Gen. Peter Pace, slipped up twice and said "insurgent." With Rumsfeld standing at his side, Pace told reporters, "I have to use the word 'insurgent' because I can't think of a better word right now."

"'Enemies of the legitimate Iraqi government' -- how's that?" Rumsfeld told Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Moments later, Pace again referred to "the insurgents," then told his boss, "Sorry, sir. I'm not trainable today."

Someone obviously did not stay at a Holiday Inn Express™ last night.